The bestiary · The Metric Mimic
Specimen · catalogued monster
The Metric Mimic
Seven definitions of "customer", all called "customer"
A shape-shifter of rare talent, it wears the face of whichever number you trust most. Bring two departments into the same room and it will smile at both, agreeing with each of them completely.
Symptoms
- Different numbers for the same metric
- Meetings spent reconciling figures
- No shared business glossary
- Logic re-implemented in every tool
- Teams defend "their" definition
Weakness
One definition to rule them all: a shared business glossary and a semantic layer, so each metric is defined once, owned by someone, and read from the same place by every tool.
Overheard in the corridor
- “Whose revenue number is this?”
- “It depends what you mean by active.”
- “My dashboard says something different.”
- “We spent the whole meeting reconciling the numbers.”
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